PostcardPerfect.com/blog

I hadn’t been stopped at airport security in a while, but my luck ran out yesterday. Good thing I wasn’t running late (for once).

Apparently there was something suspicious about a cluster of items in my carry-on that warranted a bag search. Why they weren’t suspicious the last 40 time I’ve flown, I don’t know. Maybe the Columbus airport is just that much safer than the rest of the country.

Either way, I wouldn’t have really minded if they hadn’t used my bag to train a new employee. What should have taken 2 minutes - took, I kid you not, close to 10. That’s right, a quick peek inside wasn’t nearly enough. They had to take things out, fan though my magazine and folders, and my favorite: run a cloth swab inside all the compartments and than have a machine analyze it.

Here’s the conversation I had with the experienced TSA employee, Robert:

Me: “So, what exactly is the swab test looking for?”
Robert: “The things that keep me up at night.”
Me: :::blink:::blink::: “I don’t get it.”
Robert: Chemicals and explosive residue.”
Me: :::long pause::::”Oh.”

OK, I actually knew the answer before I asked the question; I was just getting bored. And, since the trainee was still giving the April issue of Fast Company a full cavity search, I knew I had at least a few more minutes to kill.

Actually, what I really wanted to do with the time was to go put my order in at Chili’s. The restaurant is right outside of security and I was starved. I thought about trying it, but figured I’d probably be tackled to the ground if I left the area.

I don’t know if you can bribe a TSA employee, but I think I’ll start carrying some Lunesta just in case. I think it’s a fair deal: Robert gets help sleeping and I get to breeze though the line. Think it would fly?